General Elly Tumwine, I believe you. I believe your heart is finally back in its rightful place, your first love for which you abandoned your nascent teaching career for the fire of the bush war when you were the oppressed facing the oppressor.
Those who saw you in action in the bush war tell us, mere mortals, that you were our very own John Rambo. Your hands held the gun that fired the first bullet of the bush war. Such hands should be immortalized in gold lest we forget.
Alas, these bazzukulu, they have become emboldened by the peace you brought. A Kenyan friend once asked me why, if indeed Ugandans are yearning for change, we aren’t more vocal, more assertive about it? Between you and me, our Kenyan brethren with their bravado and twitter prowess think they run this East African hood.
Besides, which bush war did they fight in? I did not know how to answer this empowered Kenyan for I am neither a Nakyambadde nor a mulwanyi. For your sacrifices, it felt fair that you, our liberators, should take your pick of the rewards. Since you are the artist on the team of historicals, Nommo Gallery sufficed.
In 2018, in Parliament, your critics started to talk about how Nommo Gallery was originally for Uganda. They started to shake the table at which you were served your gallery, asking you, our warrior historical, to stoop so low as to pay rent for a national facility you usurped.
Didn’t your detractors know you were not a mere third-rate Ugandan citizen, but the creme de la cream of the ruling class of balwanyi who brought peace?
For your sacrifices, surely you deserved to lord it over us who did not fight that you and your ilk who fought, were to be adored endlessly - not questioned, criticized, mocked. Nze, I am happy to even exist in your peace, admiring your fantastic cow horn shirts and matching face masks, humming one of your tunes.
Last month, you rightly said that President Museveni needs to prepare for a peaceful transfer of power, but; the Ugandan social media investigators, whom Museveni recently flipped off as ‘idiotic’, these idiotic Ugandans on the internet instead regurgitated your previous statements.
Apparently, during the November 2020 protests, you said the government has a right to shoot you, will shoot you, should shoot you, has shot you, comply comply. I suppose they wanted you to acknowledge your culpability in bringing Uganda to this edge of the abyss.
Why should you be held responsible for your singing whilst eating at the regime's table? Which Ugandan here is without sin?
Kizza Besigye has deemed the whole lot of Ugandans, a rather foolish bunch. After all, we are in this mess together - 35 years, so far. Yet they dare point out your sins. Wamma General Tumwine, when I saw you with your usual dark sunnies on your face, a wonderful army green shirt ensconcing your fragility, your high-pitched voice mouthing incredible words about a peaceful transition, I wondered if perhaps you were dropping your rap album. Why now would you admit that the revolution is a threat to its children?
Others say you are now speaking up because you have been shifted further down the serving table. They speculate that because your name fell way down on the new cabinet list, you are no longer eating. But what do they know about eating besides begrudgingly salivating?
For, your name regardless of where it fell is still on the list. Not bad at all - you are a Senior Presidential Advisor on Security, a pseudominister.
Indeed, you are already advising the President. Your detractors continue - presidential advisors just get free money, they do not actually advise he who cannot be advised.
This Zambian proverb though cannot be wrong- “If two wise men always agree, then there is no need for one of them." Whatever the case, General, you and your creativity have always been my favorite; you cannot go wrong with fashion and music.
Luckily, Ugandans are quite the fashion forward lot who love a good tune. They are also quite forgiving away from their idiotic social media, the bane of Africa’s autocrats.
The author is a tired muzzukulu