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Sex Talk: Go jump on that trampoline

A couple recently celebrated 50 years in marriage, and beyond the live band, lavish buffet and touching speeches, organisers of the anniverssary bash hired a bouncy castle for adults and the bagole bounced away, giggling gaily.

Now, those are organisers after my own heart. You have no idea how many times I see children playing on bouncy castles and I am tempted to join in, even if it means scattering them over the castle walls!

I was that child in my family; the playful, impossible one that played every game conceivable, from dolls to duulu and making wire cars, and it just does not sit well with me that I have never jumped on a trampoline or bouncy castle.

So, the joy I feel, knowing there is a bouncy castle out there, strong enough for adults... No wonder this couple was celebrating 50
years of marriage; they know how to have fun together. They did not lose their playful side and I bet, they never find each other’s company boring or stifling.

When was the last time you truly had fun with your spouse? When was the last time you laughed until your sides ached, because of something s/he said or did? To simplify it further, when was the last time your spouse complimented you, praised you, showed affection beyond sex?

Well, these are the ingredients that whip up pink elephants whenever you make love; they don’t just happen to every marriage and lovemaking session.

Sadly, few married couples even enjoy one another’s company or have anything to talk about, beyond the children’s school fees and ailments. I remember a lunch-hour fellowship I attended and the visiting Nigerian preacher asked a woman in the congregation to stand, then asked her when her husband last told her he loved her.

The woman, a pastor’s wife (they are now sadly divorced), burst into tears, to the Nigerian preacher’s consternation. Spouses take one another for granted and stop spending time together; resentment, lukewarm sex and even marital death can arise from that.

When was the last time you did something fun with your spouse? When was the last playful episode you shared as a couple?

Maybe you are one of those, who in their forties or fifties, feel they are “too old for some shenanigans”. You used to regularly go to the cinema together, now you just sit at home, each lost in their own thoughts and stresses.

You once were part of couples retreats where you could let your hair down in the company of friends with similar values and zest for life; now you have allowed bitterness arising from a past lone mistake to erode all the fun in your marriage, yet you are also not throwing in the towel.

If you decided to stay and give it another shot, then be all in. I know a couple whose ‘thing’ was taking road trips to explore the countryside, destress and see new places, before coming back home. Then the fuel prices went crazy and their hobby became unsustainable, and now they realise how much value those trips added to their marriage and sex life.

“We are yet to find something to replace our road trips. We would drive, spend a night wherever nightfall found us – sometimes even camping – and drive back home the following day,” the wife shared.

“Now we find ourselves more cranky, snapping at each other and generally overwhelmed by the hustle. I just need an idea of a fun activity that does not require us robbing a bank.”

Well, those are many. One just needs to let their inner child speak up more often. Earlier this year we went as women from my church to Botanical Gardens and decided to indulge our inner children.

It was lovely to watch women squeal in delight during kwepena (dodgeball), hopscotch, dance competitions, etc. These are things you can also do with your spouse and children and you will take years off your age and add those years to your marriage.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com

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