Sex Talk: The more things change...

...The more they remain the same. This is so true, because I thought with all the modernity, women emancipation and ‘civilisation’ we proudly wave these days, there is no place for certain things. Wapi!

I was shocked in this day and era, when a beautiful girl’s marriage fell apart simply because she was not domesticated at all. Yes. You read that right. And it is 2023 Kampala. 

After having her mother cook all their (the couple’s) meals for months on end and deliver them to her home, before going back with the couple’s laundry which she (mum) would wash, press and return, before babysitting their toddler during the day, her husband said, enough! 

One day he left for work and did not come back. When the mediators heard his story, hardly any sided with his beautiful bride. Some things are just not done; they tsked-tsked, as they shook their heads at her. No matter how much she explained her busy career and the fact that her mother was a splendid cook, the husband did not want to hear any of it.

In his books, the marriage was done, unless she was willing to make her presence felt in the home, beyond their marital bed.
By the way, contrary to popular belief, even the sex can suffer due to the dysfunction in other areas of the marriage. Try seducing your resentful spouse and report back with the results.

So, here was this beautiful wife, hoping she would lie in bed pretty and like ‘abracadabra’, the rest of the marriage would fall in place. When I had this conversation with friends at the weekend, they wondered why the young bride simply did not hire a maid if she was clueless about domestic stuff.

Well, even the help would need guidance from his/her boss, and our young wife admitted she was clueless about running a home. Then someone suggested appliances. Why can’t she just buy a washing machine, microwave, vacuum cleaner, etc, and make her life convenient?

Fair enough point, but it came down to how traditional her corporate husband turned out to be; the kind that wants his wife’s touch on everything and would not eat anything from a microwave.

It reminded me of a Twitter thread I read some time back, where a Rwandan married to a Muganda husband complained about how he seems to be turned on by the sight of her “slaving” away in their home.

Her tweet started an avalanche of agreeable responses from other Rwandan and Ankole wives married to Baganda, who did not understand their husbands’ obsession with domesticity and submission.

Well, like I said, the more things change, the more they remain the same. Wait until they tell you that they would not mind if you visited a ssenga for lessons on labia elongation, or that they would not mind you cleaning them up in bed, rather than them jumping into a shower.

Why do you think one corporate wife in Ntinda fired her house help for...wait for it...being too efficient? Overcome with insecurities because she knew how much domesticity in a woman was sexually attractive to her husband, she woke up one day and fired a perfect maid. 

To be fair, the average woman also finds a fat bank account attractive on a man – regardless how much she earns on her own; it is that silent assurance that he can protect and provide for his family. 

Similarly, the nurturing and supportive side to a woman will always be a winner and when one hands all those reins to the house help, it can be a problem.

Just saying...

carol@observer.ug