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Sex Talk: Hear ye men and take heed!

I like former cabinet minister Miria Matembe and how she dares to go bare-knuckles where others tiptoe.

In a short video that has now gone viral especially on women’s forums, she brings back to the table the discussion about the state of many marriages, and how wives meticulously trained by ssengas to please and pleasure their husbands are stuck with hapless husbands when it comes to conjugal matters.

She says in typical Matembe candour: “...and you reach there and you find this useless man who doesn’t know what to do, oooh! Many of them – they can rise up in arms and attack me, but they know. I mean, we belong to Mothers Union, we belong to all these things and we share experiences... they tell you, ‘my man comes, dives, does nothing... you don’t see him’!”

She continues: “So, men are also supposed to be nurtured and trained towards that game. But this whole business of rearing and nurturing a woman purposely and specifically for a role of being a wife, pleasing the husband, taking care of the children and even the children in the home are more important and more superior than you as a wife? This must stop!”

Ah, Miria! A woman after my very heart. But men, you have heard. This must stop! Stop thinking that as long as you have the money women allegedly want, and are well-endowed as a bonus, then you don’t need the right skills.

Let me tell you, I have a beautiful guitar that I recently bought expensively, but have no clue how to skilfully play it! I have learnt how to tune it, have mastered how to strum three chords on it and even sing a simple hymn or two while strumming, but by all standards and yardsticks, I am awful at guitar.

And I own that. That is why I have found an instructor. You too can have all the necessary tools for the game, as Miria refers to sex – you have a great body, the ‘right’ size of manhood, all the money in the world – but are just an awful player and your wife can attest to that.

It is okay, as long as you are open to getting an education in the field. The difference between women and men is that women are generally very open with one another regarding all aspects of their marriages. And that is how they share tips and find solutions.

Men, on the other hand, tend to be closed even with one another and play their cards close to the chest. Sharing on matters sexual and intimate, especially in regard to what is not working well is a serious ego-trip and many stay away from such conversations.

It is quite possible that even bad lovers do not know that they suck in bed, because the only things their peers are willing to discuss about the subject are penile size and how much money they give their spouses.

Yet at home, they have wives pre-conditioned to fake it, if necessary, but not say anything that would make their husbands feel inadequate. So, they instead rant to fellow women in niigiina groups.

Gentlemen, cultivate candid conversations with your wives. Talk about sex in the Fathers Union too. Share more. Allow the Mothers Union to interact more with the Fathers Union in workshops aimed at making marriages more sexually enjoyable.

And before you marry someone’s daughter, have a candid talk with someone who will prepare you in how to truly pleasure a woman, beyond the unrealistic things you may have watched in pornographic movies, or what you did and disgusted a daughter of Eve in past relationships.

Train yourself in improving longevity, foreplay and how to bring all your five senses to lovemaking, because that is the beginning of being unforgettable.

carol@observer.ug

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