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Sex Talk: How is it at yours?

Last week by huge coincidence I made a new friend; an 81-year-old funny, energetic man who really looks 55. I still marvel at how an octogenarian can look that way and even walk with a sexy gait!

We met at a Shell shop and got talking, during which talk he mentioned he is helping many senior couples, including bishops, with their marriages.

“Those men are in trouble. The men are still energetic, but their wives just lie there like this! Even a man who started off with so much energy gets deflated if that’s the enthusiasm he receives from his wife!”

I had never laughed so much with a total stranger. We had struck up a conversation because I was wearing a branded The Observer shirt; so, he stopped to let me know he loved the paper, and to lecture me about the importance of good branding.

But after that comment, I introduced myself properly and he looked at me for a second, burst into laughter and said, “Please, go and tell those women!” Then fist-bumped me and gaily bounced to his car.

So, here I am. And needless to say, the moment I got home, I changed into workout clothes and went running (well, if what I do can be termed as running!)

But here I am to tell you wives of a certain age that your husbands still find you desirable; don’t act so surprised, bored and disgusted by that fact.

My octogenarian friend said that is why many older men go for second wives when they had all intentions of staying ‘till death do us part’. No one wants sex with a wife who just lies there like a log praying it all gets over soon.

I know, I know… sometimes there is probably nothing to cheer about and this is you being honest in bed, but at least talk about that and how to improve service delivery; just be an active participant in some way.

So, how is it at yours?

One wife has actually confessed that it is often her prayer request that “Please Lord, don’t let my husband want sex tonight!”

God’s prayer request basket - or could it be a computer database? - must make for an interesting read!

Because, that husband probably walks to bed each night, hands fervently pressed together, eyes to the ceiling as his heart whispers, “Please God, let tonight be the night she says ko yes, for once!” And meanwhile in the bed, sheets clutched to her chest, the subject of his prayer is also in conversation with God, erasing her husband’s prayer from the database. Hahahaaa!

Anyway, so much happens to a woman’s body during peri-menopause (a few years before actual menopause sets in) and menopause. The hormones can feel like they are having a huge game of goggolo inside your body one day, and mourning a great friend the next.

Inevitably, things can get harder in the sex department as a result, yet on the other side, your darling husband is going through a midlife crisis of his own, where he feels and acts younger and even wants to try out new things in the bedroom. And there you are, lying in the bed like someone forcefully deposited you there.

Here is an interesting fact: the older men get, the more predisposed to cancer of the prostate they get. But there is actual scientific research – google it – that says the more often a man ejaculates, the lower his chances of getting this now more common cancer.

Use that information the way you want…For now, there are things a woman can do to tame crazy hormones and reintroduce dormant-but-necessary ones.

Exercise regularly, love on yourself more, eat healthy food and invest in the necessary supplements. Pharmacies now have an assortment of fairly safe ones.

Otherwise, don’t just lie there and bemoan the good old days when your hubby did not have to beg you for sex; do something, other than praying his healthy libido away.

carol@observer.ug

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