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Sex Talk: Don’t let the pandemic leave with your marriage

The depression and mental health issues likely to arise from this current wave of the pandemic are real.

People have lost loved ones and the grim news dominating social media is becoming a huge catalyst to the poor state of our mental health. Naturally, paranoia slips in and the last thing one may need is a randy spouse feeling them up in bed.

“I am a stay-at-home mum, he still goes to work everyday. Quite honestly the times are so scary I sometimes feel like asking him to social-distance in the guest room till further notice, or wear a mask to bed!” one wife, who in my opinion now needs to seek therapy, says.

When you tell her about another person who has died of coronavirus, she breaks into a cold sweat. When her social media groups post those long posts about Covid-19 and how we are headed for tough times, she lashes out and orders them to post positive stories too.

People are stressed. People are scared. It is not a very sexy time right now. But hey, look at it this way; it has been proven by science that making love in itself, is great exercise. And now more than ever, we need to keep the lungs exercised, open and aerated.

So, if you needed an incentive to love on your spouse regardless the yellow monsters threatening to replace pink elephants in your marital bed, there!

Besides, how better to get our daily doses of dopamine, oxytocin and all those essential feel-good chemicals that great sex so readily releases? It could be just what your doctor prescribed for your anxiety and borderline depression. Don’t quit the lovemaking, whatever you do.

True, death has a way of taking a huge bite out of our happiness, and this hits married couples doubly hard. Now imagine with the scale of death many are dealing with currently!

I know people that have lost both parents in the space of just days. That has been peppered with more news of ailing close relatives and dead colleagues and friends; people are close to a dangerous edge.

Well, don’t force anything, but just explore the possibility of turning to your spouse for the literal sexual healing needed to get you through this. There is scientific evidence that some hormones and chemicals needed to lift a mood from the doldrums are released with great lovemaking.

Depression also thrives in loneliness; you need each other now more than ever. A few years ago one Ugandan wife lost her mother and the grief was indescribable, she said then.

She left her marital bed for a spot on the floor to allow herself to mourn, and while her husband initially understood her needs, when this continued for weeks, he started losing patience.

On friends’ advice, he organised a foreign trip to a fancy destination, hoping that getting her away from the grim reality would take her mind off the grief for a while and reignite the fireworks in their marriage. It did not work. Every nice adventure reminded her that she could no longer tell her mother about it, and the waterworks would start afresh.

Long story short: the grief also killed her marriage. One thing led to another and eventually they divorced. Don’t let Corona march out of Uganda with your marriage in its tentacles.

Whenever you can, push through; get some ‘exercise’ in; get your oxytocin fix and before you know it, the skies will look the right shade of blue once again.

carol@observer.ug

© 2016 Observer Media Ltd