I know a married woman who wears her heart on her sleeve; we all know when her marriage is running like a well-oiled machine, we also know when it is stuttering and dysfunctional.
It all comes down to her demeanour, mood and approach to everything she does. Well, blame it on the assumedly great sex in her marriage; because, she admits there are usually no hang-ups about sex in her marriage, and her psyche and general wellbeing are very much tied to that.
Whenever there is a problem with the sex – it is unsatisfactory or non-existent due to health challenges – it is so easy to detect from her flippant, angry and sloppy approach to everything else!
In some marriages, the sex is chronically bad; so, the stakeholders therein probably have no idea what level of euphoria and creativity they could achieve with just one great day in bed.
But generally, it has been proven that away from the known physical benefits of good sex – heart health, great skin, healthy prostate glands, good sleep patterns, etc – there are intangible benefits that should motivate married couples to get their act together.
Both men and women have reported before about the extra spring they find in their step when the last sexual encounter was beautiful. Women have reported increased creativity and self-confidence after experiencing an orgasm.
“Once in a while, there are those amazing times just after sex that you feel – oh, things are electric! And you have insights about your work. It is like you get some kind of superpowers. And you just want to run a marathon, or write an opus. Climb the alps!” one woman told Naomi Wolf when she was researching for her book, Vagina: A New Biography.
Because of the effects of the different chemicals and hormones released when the sex is good, there are people tapping into this goodness regularly because of the healthy situation in their marriages, and there are others with no clue about what they are even missing, because of the sad state of affairs in their marriages.
Some employers are enjoying great output from some employees not because they are the smartest cookies in the jar, but because those employees have learnt how to source their motivation and creativity from the home front.
French neuroscientist Claude de Contrecoeur found that dopamine stimulates motivations and lifts indecisiveness; that it raises self- confidence and alleviates depression. All these translate into all-round goodness at the workplace, as parents, etc.
But what comes first; the horse or the cart?
Self-confidence, motivation, good mood and general wellbeing are important ingredients for great sex, especially for women, yet those are the very ingredients they hope to reap from great sex...But well, now you know; fix your sex life in order to fix other parts of your life. It is a circle that feeds into itself.
“Patriarchal societies, even without the benefit of what current science is now documenting, have, I contend, noticed the link between sexually assertive, sexually self-aware women – and focused, motivated, energised, biologically empowered women,” Wolf writes.
“This is why I call dopamine the ultimate feminist chemical. If a woman has optimal levels of dopamine, she is difficult to direct against herself. She is hard to drive to self-destruction, to manipulate and control.”
I hope that is motivation enough for you not to settle for mediocrity in your sex life. It has so much more hanging on it. It all comes down to her demeanour, mood and approach to everything she does.