SEX TALK: Is oral sex within marriage sinful?

I sometimes get puzzled when I read Christian literature or hear a Christian argue about sexual perversions.

Among the perversions or sexual sins often listed, is oral sex or the art of pleasing your spouse using your mouth. The average Christian seems to have their mind made up; a kiss that goes lower than the navel and higher than the knees is sinful. Period.

Others take it even further; any sexual position that requires a wife to get off her back is utterly sacrilegious and sinful. In fact to them, any sexual enjoyment including orgasms, is going against walking in Christ’s footsteps.

But what about the Bible? Isn’t that our constitution?
For the pious Christian who wishes to please your spouse and not be monotonous, where are the limits?

One wife wrote in to say her orgasms are dictated by good oral sex, but after a cell meeting where they were told it was sinful, her husband now refuses to go ‘that way’ again, in spite of his knowledge that it is cardinal to both their sexual enjoyment.

Joe Beam, a Christian marriage counsellor and minister writes in his book Becoming One: “[From studying the Bible] I learned that what many Christians said was prohibited sexually was not prohibited at all! When God is silent, we have no right to insert our own rules.”

From his Bible study, he lists ten sexual sins as listed in the Old and New Testaments: incest, homosexuality, rape, premarital sex, adultery, lust, prostitution, bestiality, sex during the menstrual period (he notes that in the Old Testament the sanctity of blood was huge, and although Jesus Christ later shed His blood in the New Testament to render all other blood covenants void, God-fearing Christians still ought to observe this), and harming the temple of God (your body is the temple of God).
So, which of those sexual sins sound like oral sex?

I opened www.askthebible.com and asked about oral sex.

The answer: “See 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. ‘But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.

The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control’.”

“From this we can say that oral sex within marriage would seem okay. However, true love considers the desires of our [spouses]. Therefore, to force our [spouse] to perform an act they are uncomfortable with or consider “dirty” would not be showing true godly love for that person…

Often discussions with your partner as to the reasons why a certain sexual act is not deemed acceptable can open the door to greater sexual expression in your marriage. Clearly for those who are married and may be physically disabled [for the] “normal” man on top of woman [position], sex may be impossible. Oral sex and/or stimulation using a finger may provide an avenue for a joyous sexual relationship.”

I closed that window and opened www.christiananswers.net and asked the same question.
The response: “Nowhere does the Bible forbid it or discuss it. There is no biblical evidence that it is a sin against God for a husband and wife to express love for each other in this way. We see no reason to believe that expressing affection for one’s mate in this way is forbidden or would necessarily harm one’s walk with God.”

“We are aware that some have tried to make a biblical issue out of what parts of the body a married couple can and cannot kiss. In their minds, there is only one biblical form of sexual expression in marriage, sexual intercourse. They attempt to defend their viewpoint [by] trying to make it into a holiness issue.”

“God is concerned about your love for each other. He wants all Christians, including husbands and wives, to be kind to each other, patient, respectful and unselfish. Ultimate love is pure in motive and action.”

Also read the book of Song of Solomon. There are many interpretations to it, but cardinally, it addresses marriage and love, God’s way.

carol@observer.ug