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Sex talk: Go for the spiritual experience

If the sex in your marriage is always just a physical experience, then what a waste!

The true feeling of sexual satisfaction has been equated to an otherworldly, spiritual experience by many people.

And not surprisingly so; after all, anything that results in a complex, inexplicable phenomenon such as creation of a life cannot be taken on the surface. Surely you are missing out on something!

That should be motivation enough for you to want to go deeper (pun unintended) in your quest for sexual fulfilment in that marriage of yours. It is even okay to have bouts of selfishness as you reach for certain goals and your own unique herd of miniature pink elephants.

The televangelist Joyce Meyer described great sex as a form of “spiritual warfare” in her book Making Marriage Work. A couple that has understood how to pleasure each other can use sex to tap into a spirit realm that no ordinary prayer can get them to… Unfortunately, this form of spiritual warfare goes untapped in many marriages.

Human sexuality lecturer Dr Susan Campbell and her writing partner Suzie Heumann state in their book, The Everything Great Sex Book: “Many people who experience deep, ecstatic sexual states liken these to transcendental spiritual experiences. They discover that the distinction between what is carnal and what is spiritual may not be so clear. They may even feel that they have come to know God, or ultimate reality, through sex.”

This is the one thing God gave to a husband and his wife in order for them to be co-creators with Him. I don’t think He randomly threw ingredients together when creating it; there have to be some special perks about sex and procreation. If you have not discovered them, you are right to feel bothered.

“What is most real (or experienced) is also most spiritual. In other words, when you allow yourself to be deeply moved by an experience – feeling it in your body, letting go of the ego’s need to control things – you are having what [is] called a spiritual experience,” the two authors write.

They encourage spouses to allow their spirits to open up more during sex by engaging in more trusting sexual practices “that involve communication, the spirit of playfulness and being open to discovery”.

Tantric sex is of course one way to get there; it involves putting off the penetrative part of sex for as long as possible – even days – while allowing for higher degrees of other forms of intimacy, exploration and physical closeness.

That is how some couples boast about having had sex for two weeks straight, without elaborating. It is called tantric sex. Every day the couple takes the intimacy a notch higher until it explodes in the mind-blowing spiritual experience that also involves penetration, at last.

Those who can pull it off can confidently say that their sex lives are about quality, and not quantity, because tantric sex allows you to simmer and build anticipation for days; therefore, it can’t be a too-regular practice.

“In fact, the experiences one has practicing tantra can be seen as a metaphor for other aspects of one’s life and can give one tools for being more present and aware in general,” Heumann and Campbell write.

For those who often ask: “Why all the fuss about sex, anyway? It is just….sex”, there you go.

It is not a fuss at all if you have experienced the high it can bring, when done right. And like everything else in life, don’t settle; seek ways to make sex better by talking about it more freely with your spouse, being intentional, and even indulging in the occasional trial and error.


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