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Sex talk: No stranger time than turning 30

Now, because of the strangeness surrounding that age for women, it is one of the reasons behind the increasing number of failed/failing marriages – from my own observation; you are welcome to make your own and let me know.

I remember vividly the day I turned 30. I mourned old age. I mourned spinsterhood. I mourned seeing my first grey hair (I had seen that with absolute horror, at 29). I wanted to stay home and mourn the loss of my youth, but since I had a job, I walked around with a long face all day.

That my friends thought it funny to send me birthday cards cheekily mocking my old age, was terribly a bad idea. Then I turned 31, and 32, and 33, and…don’t hold your breath.

As the hormones settled in, I asked myself, what had been wrong with me at 30!

I love reading. So, I started reading about what happens to a woman’s body when she turns 30, and I finally understood. It is the age when you start to really feel like a woman – no longer a girl. Something happens to the hormones, the metabolism, the skin, the hair, the fertility, the everything.

Combined, those changes can threaten to push you over the edge, especially if you have not achieved some milestones as stipulated by society and culture. It is the fear of the big 30 that makes women at 20-something begin to lie about their age.

It is that fear that also sends us running into the wrong relationships and marriages to mentally disprove science and keep up with the 20-something Joneses who ‘obeyed’ society’s biological clock.

And because of their response to that fear, countless corporate, young people have been married for some time but are now wondering, “Why the heck did I get married?”

Because after marrying the wrong person to keep pace with your marrying, baby-bearing, baby-christening peers, you soon realise you entered a union that has bad or no sex at all; one where you are grossly disrespected but have no clue how to get out; one that made you realise, “this is not what my life should be”.

I also blame 30 for the many 30-somethings and 40-somethings now single and searching all over again, after divorce from a hastily-entered marriage that felt just right in the need to beat the unseen deadline of ‘marry and have kids by 30 or else…!’

Go ahead and look around at your friends and peers; the ladies in particular. Which ones are on the verge of rugby-tackling their boyfriends into marrying them?

Which ones made huge marital and sexual mistakes that they are now trying to fix with little success? When did they make those mistakes?

Which ones are riddled with insecurities?

I was at a kwanjula for a 31-year-old friend, who forbade us (we were all in her age group then) from dancing energetically out of the house to greet the groom and his family, because “we are old dames, we cannot do those things for young girls. Just walk”!

If I could use an open-mouthed, eyes-popping emoji, I would use one here. If you are 30 or counting down to 30 in a couple of years, be more careful.

Know what to expect and stay calm. Age is truly just a number. Just because of a few body changes (the slower metabolism means your struggles with weight loss become real) it does not mean you stop enjoying your life and peg all possible happiness on getting married by hook or crook.

The 30s are known to be instrumental career-wise for both sexes, but that too can get lost in the sex, relationship and marriage craziness. Plus, the books and online sites I visited all concurred that sex for a woman gets better after 30; sadly, many never get to know that, because those are also the years they spend troubleshooting the wrong, sexless unions they find themselves in.

If you are turning 30 soon, have a happy birthday. Really. I mean it.

carol@observer.ug

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