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Sex talk: What has St Valentine ever done to you?

Today is Valentine’s day and I am all for reviving this grand old day. Whatever happened to it!

Gone are the days when we would rock our bu red dresses with pride and go out with our broke boyfriends to sip on a soda at Kampala Casino, then walk all the way back to Mary Stuart hall, holding hands like we just had a four-course dinner, broadcasting to the world that we were in love. Sigh!

I remember a particular one I walked back into the university room feeling giddy with love, only to find one of my roommates in tears after her boyfriend made her dress up in red and then stood her up. Valentine’s day was such a big deal maker or breaker in relationships then.

Today, even the university girls seem to care less. Slowly but steadily every year, a group of ‘saboteurs’ has grown the campaign of ‘why should love be celebrated on just one day’?

And like that, the same way the saboteurs are badmouthing marriage with ‘I don’t need a piece of paper and ring to show my commitment to you’, people stopped celebrating Valentine’s day loudly.

They started taking their mothers and children out, instead, and ditched the red and black attire, calling it cheesy. I also no longer see the flowers all over the place like it used to be!

Look, no one is saying limit all your love to just Valentine’s day; consider it a scheduled polish on an already good surface or, a sealant to repair a fast-developing crack. I hope you too have not been sucked in by the bandwagon negativity started mainly by people who either don’t want to spend on their spouses, or find dissing the day an easier explanation for their continuously unceremonious Valentine’s days. 

No one ever died from a love overdose…Wamma take your spouse out; make them forget these climate change and sijui ‘the-economy-is-on-a-shwwiiiiii!’ things, and use this to even set new standards in your lovemaking. 

It is especially the marrieds that look down their noses on Valentine’s day, forgetting that this day’s “kajanja” played a big role in solidifying your manifesto back in the day when you were wooing her.

This could actually be what your marriage needs! But the problem with Ugandanness is the culture of marching to the same drumbeat as long as it is in, then switching en mass to a new drumbeat when the old one fades.

Do your own thing for once. Book a couples massage in one of the increasing luxurious wellness spas. Buy new lingerie and use it seductively. Plan for your intimacy to the T; heck, wear red to office if you want!

From the beginning of February, social media has been awash with memes disparaging Valentine’s day. Is that how cynical we have become?

Couples are busy consoling themselves with, “I don’t need just one day to show that I love him/her”. Ok... but when do you actually show them? If anything, sex in marriages is being killed mostly by a lack of genuine affection.

In a society where PDA (public display of affection) is still frowned upon and loving on one’s spouse openly is called kajanja, I think Valentine’s day is for us more than anyone anywhere else.

Even inside homes, showing each other affection as the couple’s own children watch is considered indecent PDA in this neck of the woods. So, someone came up with a day where love need not be abstract but, rather, intentional and could build a beautiful thing. 

Take her out. Give him a treat. Try out something new in bed.

Happy Valentine’s day!

carol@observer.ug

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