Weasel wouldn’t mind tapping Nabakooba’s backside

Douglas Mayanja Sseguya, or Weasel of the singing duo Radio and Weasel, is a humble, quiet, gentleman.

Yes, gentleman. We are in need of chairs to conduct the interview and instead of asking some of the dreadlocked idle-looking men who are occupying the chairs to shift like a star would, Weasel meekly looks around for chairs. A friend brings us some and the interview commences in Munyonyo.

How old are you?

Twenty-nine. I made 29 on June 13.

You are young. Naye Weasel, I have been dying to ask: why didn’t you help your friend (Radio) when he was being beaten and bundled on the police truck?

I saw you on TV, in an upstairs room while Radio was being taken away like a chicken thief...

I am not a buvuyo [chaos] person. I wanted to be out of that business. Those guys [Jeff Kiwanuka and crew on one side and Radio on the other] wanted to sort out some issues. [And peaceful Weasel just watched them sort them.]

Fist-fights, blood and verbal insults! How is your father taking this episode of fighting? I read somewhere mbu he talks to himself while walking these days because you and Pallaso [Pius Mayanja, Weasel’s brother] are fighting.

Bambi, my dad is old.

Yes he is. Why are you guys giving him trouble?

We try to maintain peace so he is peaceful. But he [has] got many sons! And we have to make money. [So you fight?] He has to be strong. You know, if your son is a thief, you accept it and keep collecting him from prison.

Haha, your thief analogy! But why do you have to fight with your brothers? Can’t you make music without fighting?

It happens, my friend. This is business, my dear. If you are trying to take my money from me, we fight.

Your poor dad! He is not about to enjoy any peace. You know there are these rumours about you; mbu you have oba 25 children!

The funny thing is I have two children.

Huh? Only two?

Yes. If I have children out there that I don’t know about, they should bring them. But be ready for DNA testing.

Uh, men and DNA tests these days! On to music, what has been the highlight of your career?

[Excitedly] Going for the BET awards as a nominee. I got to meet many musicians: Nicki Minaj, Chris Brown and Dr Dre. You guys watched the final show on TV but we watched the rehearsals.

Wow, I can see you were excited by the experience. Do you think you can be a stand-alone musician?

Yes I can. I am a man, I have the energy. But why should I when two heads are better than one? We both had solo careers before and people didn’t like our music [Weasel dismisses the possibility of the Goodlyfe breaking up, because they have figured out they sound better together. Who disputes that? Their latest serving, Neera, is again top of local charts].

Who is Uganda’s best musician, according to you?

I think it is Jose Chameleone [Weasel’s other brother, also known as Joseph Mayanja]. We have beefed with him and he is still here [that is a surprisingly mature admission about someone said to have inspired some of Goodlyfe’s beefing songs, such as Sitaani, Quick Talk marvels].

Let’s talk politics [or politicians’ butts]. Which MP’s butt would you want to tap?

Not an MP really, but [policewoman Judith] Nabakooba. If I got a chance and [Police boss Gen Kale] Kayihura was not seeing, I would tap.

And a musician?

Juliana Kanyomozi.

You are the second person to mention her.

She is so decent and genuine.

Haha, so decent that you want to tap her butt. If you were allowed only one memory, what memory would you keep?

Maybe when we made this project; when we decided to be a music duo. We didn’t know we would survive. We used to be given 500k (Shs 500,000) a show and we would be so excited. [Reminiscently] That was like six to seven years ago.

Bambi. How far you’ve come! How do you deal with groupies?

You get used to it. When it first happens, you are excited. You think: look at her, she is beautiful and she wants me. You get security later. I have a woman that I love and respect.

Let’s talk books: what title would you want for your biography and who would you want to write it?

I don’t know. Maybe, Life: Friends Come and Go [Inspired by the fight with former manager Jeff]. I don’t know any good writers.

Finally, we are going to talk favourites. What is your favourite food?

Rice, posho and fish. I can eat fish from January to December.

Favourite colour?

Uh! I don’t have. I wear whatever I see.

All-time favourie movie?
Extra Terrestrial (ET). Have you seen it?

No. It doesn’t sound interesting.

It is nice. It can make you cry.

Make you cry? Ah! When is the last time you cried?

Just a few days ago. These days are like a mourning period [the Goodlyfe boys are apparently constantly in tears. The debacle with Jeff, again]. I don’t like what’s happening.

Aaaw, you will be well. I have to go now, though. Thank you for your time.

dnabiruma@observer.ug