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Pablo: Pablo's WikiLeaks

The high-profile whistleblowing website WikiLeaks has taken the world by storm by unveiling breathtaking information that leaves you wondering whether you are reading a script for a movie.

Well, as a concerned citizen, I have classified hidden and sensitive information regarding the pearl of Africa that I would like to share with you. However, the views expressed in this article will be held against you if you share them with other people.

President Museveni has three sons apart from Muhoozi Kainerugaba. They have kept a low profile to avoid being involved in the succession circus. One is a learned friend, the other a shrewd businessman and the last one is a karate black belt holder.

Edwin Karugire, Odrek Rwabogo and Godfrey Kamuntu respectively are the president's sons-in-law. Some people might think I'm wasting time but this is a serious issue that should be declared to the IGG like they did to the ten cows President Kagame gave him.

We now know why first lady, Member of Parliament Ruhaama County, Mama Natasha, Hon. Janet Kataha Museveni was made minister for Karamoja affairs. Battle hardened NRM historical Col Tom Butime refused to take up an appointment as junior minister for Karamoja in 2007.

His first ministerial appointment ever was as deputy minister of Lands and Surveys. After that, he became minister of state for Internal Affairs before being appointed minister of Lands, Housing and Physical Planning; then minister of Internal Affairs. The colonel refused to go to Karamoja because he had been a senior minister before that.

Now, there was no reason why, in 2007, he should have been a junior minister. That was naked demotion. Thatís how Hon Kataha came into the picture. She wasn't afraid of the naked truth. The Karimojong needed a motherly figure to dress them up. No wonder Karamoja is an acronym for Karimojong Are Rebuilding All Manyatta Organising Janet's Arrival.

Senior presidential public relations advisor John Nagenda has been described by the first citizen as the only indefatigable fighter/writer on behalf of the Movement.

What you didn't know, Nagenda is Uganda's undisputed top wordsmith who has coined some words that are universally used in the dictionary. Ask the president's press secretary Tamale Mirundi if you think it's a lie. He has copaceticacquiesceepeolatry which atrabiliousnihilarian people find scopperloit.

Yes, I don't know what these words mean. Ask Tamale Mirundi. Kabwegyere and Kibwetere are not related in anyway. It's just that their names have an end rhyme.

Kabwegyere was in charge of disaster preparedness while Kibwetere prepared disaster. Soroti municipality Member of Parliament Captain Mike Mukula shares a birthday with his two sons. Itís called family planning.

He throws a three in one birthday party every year. It's like planting three trees with one seed.

People keep wondering why National Water and Sewerage corporation boss Dr William Muhairwe doesn't drive a Lexus considering the millions he earns per annum. Well, he spends it on peasants who can't afford education through his Muhairwe Education Trust Limited.

In his own words, he is giving hope to the hopeless. Have you heard Tamale Mirundi?

Finally, people want to know where Gilbert Bwana Arinaitwe, God's faithful who nearly killed Dr Besigye, is based. They reached an extent of opening an "Abuse Gilbert Bwana Arinaitwe Facebook page" to unleash their verbal wrath onto the commando.

Even kickboxer Moses Golola believes that Bwana Arinaitwe isn't a joking subject. You can call and ask him.

kkimuli@gmail.com

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