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Sex talk: Are men really incapable of monogamy?

 

Total Quatsch, as the Germans would say, seeing as I am not allowed to use the English words I would rather slap here…

The anti-monogamy movement is growing. There are even researches to back their claims. But I am not sold on the idea. Instead, I believe many of the men behind these assertions, are just addicted to that ‘first love high’.

You know, that moment of seeing someone you like, the chase, going home and failing to think about anything else, the butterflies, the obsession and staring into space…

After he has that girl and a few months have rolled by, he loses the high and sets his sights on fresh quarry, chasing that relationship high like a cocaine addict looking to feel the way that first fix made him feel. And the cycle just never ends.

Such a guy will no doubt conclude: “We are just not built for monogamy!” You and who?

You are just failing to deal with an addiction to young love. Otherwise, why would even officially polygamous men still chase after new conquests?

The chase may not even end in sex, per se, but simply indulging that high of making the girl say yes to his pursuits, taking her out and spending on her and, like a male friend told me, “the triumph one goes home with after having a meal with someone new”; someone who looks at him with eyes that suggest the sun rises out of his nether regions.

He said, there are many men like him who love the dating game even more than they want the extramarital sex, because “I love to feel loved”.

Now, when such men are stuck with emotionally distant wives with no time for any pampering, loving words or making an effort for their men, the craving for ‘that high’ is always there. How one deals with it is a personal discipline issue.

Chasing these highs often ends up in extramarital affairs as husbands explore that feeling of being on a high, before plummeting back to earth as that relationship also becomes ‘normal’ and butterfly-less, a few months in.

It is also why many of these chases start when wives are pregnant and hormones have stepped in to rock the boat in certain areas. I am no scientist, but that does not sound like a biological incapability to be monogamous; it is a lapse in discipline.

Similar to a drug addict that fails to rein in his cravings for a fix. Because, there are also wives I know who quickly get bored and fall out of love when circumstances veer too far off that starting mark where their husbands were fine-looking, attentive, generous spoilers that even gave them piggyback rides on demand.

In fact, one woman left her fiancé because he was in an accident and survived, albeit with one leg shorter than the other and he had to wear that platform-heel shoe on the shorter side.

While many, many women would stick it out and nurse their loved ones back to health even if it meant a double amputation, she dumped him when he was still in hospital.

Her argument: “We loved each other for the physical looks too; I am sure if it were me with a shorter leg, he too would have moved on.”

The rest of the world may have judged her, but she had obviously lost her ‘high’ with those inches shaved off his bone.

Other wives lose the ‘high’ when their perfectly loving husbands go broke and cannot sustain their desired lifestyles.

When a richer man comes along and asks such a wife what she is doing “on that boda boda? I could buy you a Kia, you know…”, it will trigger some long-dormant neurotransmitters into doing an excited dance.

One wife may turn down the Kia; another may go for the ride – in every sense of the word. The latter would not quip that all women are incapable of fidelity; that is her personal flaw.

One person can be incapable of monogamy – yes – because of one’s addiction to that young-love high. But to round it off to include all human species is insulting to those men and women who have actually never cheated on their spouses!

carol@observer.ug

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