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Sex talk: Would you be attracted to you?

If you can answer that question in the affirmative, then you are good to go; maybe your spouse is just being too picky, finding fault with your appearance and behaviour every time.

But if you are honest with yourself and find fault in the way you lately carry yourself and look, compared to when you were still trying to hook yourself a good wo/man, then you will make adjustments.

One wife that recently walked out of her gated home to a shop 200m away with a lesu fastened under her armpits and nothing else, got me thinking about this; that maybe we have not tried to see ourselves through other people’s eyes!

She looked very comfortable and dirty, breasts swinging gaily under the wrap. That is when I silently asked her, would you be attracted to you, if positions were reversed?

On to you; have you seen the way you attack the food? How you constantly find fault with your spouse and never offer praise or gratitude?

And now, thanks to social media, how you stalk your spouse, hound and bombard them with messages that are anything but soothing? Or when you quarrel from sunrise to sunset. Just switch up the roles in your imagination.

Years ago when mobile phones were still a novelty, I sent a ‘letter of complaint’ to someone, in the form of about 20 SMS. When he responded, it was to say: “I swear Carol, if you sent these to a woman-beater, you would be in for quite a beating today!”

I went back and re-read the sent messages and, reluctantly, agreed. But when I was typing them out, they had sounded innocent, coherent and simply honest. The other person decoded ‘rude and disrespectful’.

Again I will ask: would you be attracted to you? It is the first step in changing for the better. To this day I am quite weary of social media in general and communicating by messaging; I would rather call and be well understood.

It has changed me in that way because I allowed myself to see me through someone else’s eyes, and it was not pretty. The way you dress. Your bathroom habits. The way you make love. The way you treat people around you.

Would you be left feeling proud of and enchanted by you, put in your spouse’s shoes?

If your answer is yes, then maybe your spouse really is the problem!

Ladies, have you stopped to smell – not the coffee or roses this time, but your hair? Is that a desirable smell that will have your husband thinking about you even while at work?

Because of the terrible economic situation in many women’s purses, wives walk around with hair that looks great but smells like a dumpster, thanks to not seeing a hairdresser’s sink in weeks.

Braids, weave-ons and perms are the worst types. Dirty hair can stink so bad and one cannot help but feel for the husband that shares pillows and space with that headful.

I have heard men speak about their aversion to water and the shower in particular, with such macho pride. Pfft!

Would you be attracted to your dirty self if you were your wife, or would you too just dutifully avail yourself for the sex like she does?

It is easy to list the ways in which your partner has ruined your marriage, but rarely do we hear a spouse that takes any part of the responsibility.

Asking yourself this question is a good exercise known to work, if you are not too self-absorbed.

If you are truly invested in your struggling marriage, ask yourself that pertinent question before running to the parish priest for counselling and a request for a reboot of the marriage.

carol@observer.ug

© 2016 Observer Media Ltd