Every so often I will hear something that knocks my socks off and I wonder on what planet I live; it would seem that I only visit earth once in a blue moon.
For example, the last time I was here men took pride in courting a girl; wearing down her defences until she was wrapped around his finger. Now I hear that is not a necessity anymore!
Apparently, a man can just like a girl and like her and like her till she decides enough is enough and she woos herself for him! When I first heard of the notion, I laughed out loud; surely that cannot be! Then I was educated and the scales fell from my eyes. It’s happening all around us.
A clever man will set his sights on a girl and simply be friendly; he expresses interest in her life, calls regularly, sends good morning and good night wishes on WhatsApp, seeks her out in social gatherings, comments on her every Facebook post but he never asks her out or expresses interest in anything other than friendship.
Now at this point, if you come from another planet like myself, you are probably thinking that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario. After all, it is what friends do.
In fact, I have lots of male friends whose actions fit that description… but if this theory be correct, I have to reanalyse every relationship I thought was just a friendship!
The popular belief is that most of these friendships are only a ploy to get the girls hooked! We get so used to having you around, we start to reciprocate the attention; calling, seeking you out.
And girls being girls naturally assume the nurturing role; we visit and rearrange your furniture, then we discover there are no groceries so we go shopping, do the cooking and cleaning and before we know it, we have taken over the management of your life.
If on one of those days we linger too late, it will simply make sense to stay the night and then well… make it official!
Technically this is brilliant! None of that yori yori stuff. The heart being such a fickle thing cannot be trusted with decisions and is only invited to the equation after common sense has prevailed and the relationship is established.
This approach creates a union of people who “naturally” gravitated towards each other and have every likelihood to get closer the longer they know each other. They have learned to argue and disagree respectfully without the distractions of fleeting emotions. Wonderful!
But – there is always a but in these things – every time love is introduced into the equation, expectations change.
Where a girl was okay with you calling her once a day, now that you openly love her, you better step it up a notch; as friends, Valentine’s day was never an issue and your mother didn’t have to like her.
Now that the friendship is getting a new definition, you cannot continue to act the same. You are bound to whine about how much she has changed, not unlike how men who had cohabited for years whine about how the woman changed after the wedding.
If you change status, expect new demands on the relationship. Period. My real beef, however, is with how much women are losing out in this new era of pseudo masculinity.
We have already been bullied into sharing the financial burden, heading the home, being the lead parent, etc, and now we cannot even look back to a romantic courtship to comfort us during the rough patches?!
That’s just sad!
I refuse to stand by and do nothing. So, I will be analysing my friendships and if I catch even one hint that I am being herded towards courting myself… hot potatoes have not been dropped faster! You have been warned!