One of the few wedding services that vividly come back to mind – besides my own – is that of President Museveni’s youngest daughter, Diana. And no, it is not the bride that takes me back to 2004 – it is the sermon by the Archbishop. The man of God said that many single young men had built houses but those houses would not become homes until there was a wife. He then enumerated the good things that a woman brings to a house to turn it into a home – Order, Peace, Calm, Love …. I found myself thinking about that Sermon the other day, when a friend narrated how his wife ‘terrorises’ him.

See, my friend grew up in a home where neatness was the norm and cleanliness was next to godliness. As a boy he was taught basic routines like cooking, washing clothes and dishes, shining floors with bare brooms…etc.  Now his wife reminds him of everything that was forbidden in his parents’ home. He does breakfast for the children and irons their school uniforms, but each time he steps into the kitchen around midday, he is greeted by flies on the unwashed dishes from last night. “I have talked and I am tired. So I just walk away and cool off,” he told me.

My friend is not alone. Many men are silently suffering with young women whose domestic scorecard is saddening.  In the belief that today’s woman does not belong to the kitchen, many of today’s bootylicious teenagers just swing their butts whenever their mothers mention household chores like cooking or maintaining a home.

They believe that they and their husbands will always eat chicken and chips at the hotel, hire professional housekeepers to sweep and organise the bedrooms, and take all clothes – including underwear – to the drycleaners. Unfortunately for the ladies, many of us men have kept our feet on the ground, even as our wings are piercing the skies. We still want our children to grow into responsible, organised, neat, well-groomed individuals. And who will teach them these values if their mothers are a mess? Shall we expect them to learn everything at school? 

So if you are the type who croaked at your mother whenever she complained about your bedroom looking like a pigsty, pray you marry an equally messy man. (But many messy men want a neat woman to improve them). Otherwise, if you can’t organise, or supervise your housekeeper, to ensure your home is a place your man can’t wait to come back to; if your husband collides with cobwebs whenever he ventures into the corners; if your husband won’t invite his friends to your home because you can’t make an omelette…. you must realise that you are hanging him out there for auctioning and soon the hammer might fall.

Make no mistake; I am a terrific cook and I can do all things my parents taught me. But there are things with which a wife can kill her husband with pride; your femininity – and all that goes with it – has implications for how sexy your man finds you. Your husband cooking and washing your lingerie is no excuse for you to neglect areas you are supposed to boss.  And, as Capt. Mukula would say, remember that there are many good girls out there who would kill to have your man – and look after him properly. So, do you want to be like my friend’s wife and drive your man out of your home because of your sloppiness?

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