Relationships

Why do girls still date married men? That is the million dollar question.

To hurt another person like that? It shouldn’t be done. They have also been told by those older and wiser that a man will never leave his wife for you. And why date a man who has no intention of marrying you? It is illogical.

However, their arguments seem to make little difference. Sarah, 24, is dating Solomon a married man. She will not be dissuaded from it. “All men cheat and so I would rather be with this one who I know is being unfaithful,” she explains.

And because she has opted for an unfaithful man, does she expect Solomon to cheat on her with another woman?

“I don’t want him having a line of girls behind me,” is her answer.

But if she is dating a married man because she thinks that all men cheat, then how come she expects faithfulness from Solomon, the married man? She hopes that two women are enough for him, that she will be the last one he dates. In Sarah’s case, it is the fear of being lied to, of being cheated on, that has led her to date a married man. A critical person will tell her that she might still be lied to even under this arrangement but she is not listening.

Daphne, 25, recently ended her relationship with Anselm, a married man. But her decision had nothing to do with Anselm being married. She says she dated him because “I needed a fling and who better to offer it than a married man?” People say that married men can never leave their wives for their girlfriends and this worked to Daphne’s advantage.

“I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and my self-esteem was low. I needed someone to pump it up a little but I didn’t want this person to be around forever. When Anselm asked me out, I accepted because he was just perfect,” Daphne says.

Recently, a lady who is as good as married wrote into an agony column asking readers to advise her. She says her “soul-mate is cohabiting with another woman”.
Much as she knows that he is attached, she is dating him. We may scoff at them and call them names but there are women like this lady who are seeing married people because they are in love with them.

And then of course there are those that are doing it for the money. Kate, 20, does not shy away from revealing that, “I am dating him because he provides”.
From reading these stories, it is clear that individuals who date married men are troubled.

They suffer low self esteem (how can you think you are only good enough to be a second wife?) and are insecure. Annette Kirabira, a trained counselor advises such individuals to do some soul searching and establish a value system and sense of identity.

Experts say that soul searching enables a person to realize their strengths and weaknesses and when these are realized, a person values themselves more and they will not settle for less.

Note: The names of individuals in this story have been changed.

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Comments

 
-1 #1 Betty Long Cap 2011-08-04 00:06
A rare woman prefers to be mistress rather than wife. A mafia man cut short his honeymoon to the Bahamas, came home alone, and called his mistress from the airport, "She ain't nothing compared to you."

I often told my five daughters they can get a man on any terms but don't count on an upgrade to first class when you travel on an economy ticket.

Marriage is a covenant between God and the couple and is not to be broken until death parts. A woman who is mistress helps the unfaithful man break his vow to cherish his wife. She is as guilty of adultery as he is and will pay dearly.

Breaking the covenant carries a stiff penalty: the adulterer will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter;

Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;

Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward. Hebrews 11:24-26




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0 #2 Susan Gray 2011-08-04 05:48
That women who date married men have low self esteem is utter arrant nonsense. Any one who thinks thus is totally out of touch with realities of post modernism.

I am a post graduate, a Pharmacist by profession, have a very good job, earn an excellent salary and doesn't need any financial help from any man. If I may add that I am 25 years of age and have dated married men since I was 22 .. and I tell you what ..dating a married man is cool, post modernist, thrilling and exceedingly exciting. It is the challenge that I find enticing and the excitement of being 'caught' .. I just love it. Most importantly, it empowers me!!!!
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0 #3 mercy 2011-08-05 05:15
susan gray, the writer is right and its true that you have low self esteem thats why you date married men.your last statement says that you feel empowered after dating them.low self esteem!

woman, please try dating unattached men otherwise you will end up living a miserable life, give birth to kids and end up looking after them yourself
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0 #4 Susan Gray 2011-08-06 05:25
Mercy, women like you who worship men, and think that you cannot bring up your families alone, are a waste of space. I am afraid, Mercy, you are 50 years behind our times.

I don't know where you have been living for the last 20 years ..women today bring up children on their own and they are doing a bloody good job, thank you.

Women have never had it so good, right? Successful careers, equal rights, earning power, to name but a few. So, some of us want to live our lives to the full since we have got it. I do not need emotional attachment of the unattached men .. and in most cases, they are bloody boring, have no class and definitely have no idea about romancing the woman ..married men have it in abundance and thousands of them, if not millions are happy to share it with someone like me.

I am afraid, Mercy, you don't seem to understand my concept of of being empowered. The fact that I can easily get any married man I want, when I want, where I want him and on my terms ..surely you can't be more empowered than that.

I do have high self esteem ..it is only women like you who are not capable of exploiting women,s freedom that have very low self-esteem.

I have the confidence, the arrogance and the charm to twist married men in any way I want ..and yes I don't mind having children to bring up on my own.. open your eyes, Mercy, women bringing up children on their own now is fashionable.

The most powerful man in the world (Obama) didn't have a father by his side to bring him up ..his mother and his grandmother didn't do a bad job. I have my own three-bed house and I am paying a mortgage on it.

Should I happen to conceive, I will sell this house and buy a big one in preparation for my family .. I do not need any emotional attachment of a man. I value my independence so much .. and I do not believe in the African cultural concept of marriage ..it is antiquated and enslaving.

I feel empowered when a married man sits in my living room, picks up a phone and tells his wife that he won't be coming home because he has a late assignment ..'me'.

I feel great when a man takes me to Paris for a romantic weekend to celebrate the first born of his wife. I feel empowered when an executive spends a week with me in Rio after telling his family that he is on an overseas assignment ..yes, 'me'.
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0 #5 Grace 2011-08-06 12:07
Where are men in this debate? We need to hear from them too.
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0 #6 Rodger 2011-08-07 08:25
From Suzans' comments, if what she is expressing it true, then the writer is right to say that gals who date married men are troubled.

I never thought a highly educated young gal would need a married man down her pants to feel empowered... then many married men are willing to line up to empower u, and trust me they will not feel at all used, cos they are men, they will never get any better bargain to sleep with a highly educated and independent (which i higly doubt) woman like you
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0 #7 Betty Long Cap 2011-08-07 15:06
"The fact that I can easily get any married man I want, when I want, where I want him and on my terms ..surely you can't be more empowered than that." writes Susan Gray.

Untrue. A good man is not looking for trouble.
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