Why do girls still date married men? That is the million dollar question.
To hurt another person like that? It shouldn’t be done. They have also been told by those older and wiser that a man will never leave his wife for you. And why date a man who has no intention of marrying you? It is illogical.
However, their arguments seem to make little difference. Sarah, 24, is dating Solomon a married man. She will not be dissuaded from it. “All men cheat and so I would rather be with this one who I know is being unfaithful,” she explains.
And because she has opted for an unfaithful man, does she expect Solomon to cheat on her with another woman?
“I don’t want him having a line of girls behind me,” is her answer.
But if she is dating a married man because she thinks that all men cheat, then how come she expects faithfulness from Solomon, the married man? She hopes that two women are enough for him, that she will be the last one he dates. In Sarah’s case, it is the fear of being lied to, of being cheated on, that has led her to date a married man. A critical person will tell her that she might still be lied to even under this arrangement but she is not listening.
Daphne, 25, recently ended her relationship with Anselm, a married man. But her decision had nothing to do with Anselm being married. She says she dated him because “I needed a fling and who better to offer it than a married man?” People say that married men can never leave their wives for their girlfriends and this worked to Daphne’s advantage.
“I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and my self-esteem was low. I needed someone to pump it up a little but I didn’t want this person to be around forever. When Anselm asked me out, I accepted because he was just perfect,” Daphne says.
Recently, a lady who is as good as married wrote into an agony column asking readers to advise her. She says her “soul-mate is cohabiting with another woman”.
Much as she knows that he is attached, she is dating him. We may scoff at them and call them names but there are women like this lady who are seeing married people because they are in love with them.
And then of course there are those that are doing it for the money. Kate, 20, does not shy away from revealing that, “I am dating him because he provides”.
From reading these stories, it is clear that individuals who date married men are troubled.
They suffer low self esteem (how can you think you are only good enough to be a second wife?) and are insecure. Annette Kirabira, a trained counselor advises such individuals to do some soul searching and establish a value system and sense of identity.
Experts say that soul searching enables a person to realize their strengths and weaknesses and when these are realized, a person values themselves more and they will not settle for less.
Note: The names of individuals in this story have been changed.
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