Toro kingdom Queen Mother, Best Kemigisa can’t bear the pain her best friend president Muammar Gaddafi Apuuli of Libya is going through.

Kyaali, the queen is emotionally stressed that she might not even attend Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding in London. She’s personally touched with the way things are going in Libya. The only people who can define her pain are the Ebonies through their play titles.

She’s in an inextricable dilemma which is an obnoxious abomination and eventually she’s likely to experience enigmatic palpitations which might put her life in an excruciating conundrum and eventually lead to stupendous successions and tumultuous amalgamations which might turn out to be probabilistic shenanigans of ambidextrous insubordinates.

Yes, I’m just like you reading this. I don’t understand this kind of pain. I’m sure the queen mother would send her army to Libya if Toro kingdom had one. The only worry would be whether the Batooro foot soldiers would handle the battle hardened Arab rebels given their soft-spoken nature.

There are some jobs that are not meant for Batooro. You can’t have a Mutooro as a security guard. They are not violent people by nature. He will arrest the thief and let him go with a last warning. They can’t be street preachers.

You have to be very loud and clear for the passer-by to get the message, something a Mutooro can’t do. Shouting in public is a sign of disrespect in their culture. The street preachers in Fort Portal are Baganda.

Batooro are good marketers. Those who work or move through Wandegeya will agree with me that most of the fruit vendors are Batooro. They wear a humble face and sweet-talk you into buying butunda you don’t need.

They are very trustworthy especially when you have heavy luggage that needs to be transported in the bus park. They are willing to carry your mugugu on their carts at a friendly price.

They are very genuine people. I met a Mutooro friend boarding a bus in the park heading for his rural homeland. I asked him whether he would be returning after his visit and he told me he was done with the city.

“Kampala endemere. Ninkola bitaano nindya lusanju,”   loosely translated, “I can’t handle Kampala. I earn five hundred shillings and spend seven hundred.”

The Batooro make the best administrative assistants whom people normally refer to as secretaries. They are very welcoming. They make you forget about the boss and instead schedule an appointment with them for a lunch date.

A Mutooro nurse is the best thing that can happen to a patient. You will always look forward to getting an injection from her. I know of a guy who feared injections with a passion but voluntarily put down his pants when a Mutooro administered the injection. He couldn’t resist her smooth talk and beauty. In fact, he begged to have the full doze at once.

I visited a restaurant in Fort Portal which had the worst food ever. Believe me, we ate the food because of the waitress. She began by giving us pet names, and then she complimented our beauty and wanted to know whether we would spend the night in town.

I have heard some people say that Batooro have a saying, “Omusaija tayangwa” which means “never refuse a man’s advances.”

I don’t know whether there is any truth in this saying but what I know for sure is that the queen mother can’t bear the suffering the Libyan leader is going through.

Kyaali Gad! Gad afiire!

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0 #1 John M Amooti 2011-04-14 03:07
Until now, i have been an ardent reader of your comical column -but i now think it has become vexatious and a charade to express your tribalistic bashing of an innocent community that has nothing to do with the private dealings of an obnoxious queen mother -who i must inform you,is abhorred by most Batooro -given her surreptitious handling of kingdom matters.

For God's sake, chide, and tease your friend Kemigisa, over her private dealings with anybody-includi ng Gadafi, but please spare the good old Toro community. Kemigisa has never been our spokesperson!
0 #2 Freddie Itaza 2011-04-15 11:28
Pablo is simply spent. What's there to make anyone laugh in this column?
0 #3 Ishmael 2011-04-15 19:59
What a waste of space? So what is your point...apart from the tribalistic overtones.? Disappointed
0 #4 David 2011-04-16 23:30
Pablo, What is your tribe? If at all you have any. Please if you are not able to speak the language dont try it. There is nothing like kyali or ninkola in Rutooro the way you put it
0 #5 mutoorokati 2011-04-17 04:23
i think you guys are over reacting. weza kyaali nigo mazima!
0 #6 Lee 2011-04-17 05:31
I love the Ebonies titles. I was dying of laughter. Maybe Pablo should also write about other tribes too. A mutoro night watchman is the winner.
0 #7 Amooti 2011-04-17 15:08
Come on guys, don't be sensitive. Pablo is just being funny. I'm a mutooro but im sure i'll be laughing when he writes about another tribe next. Perhaps he should have mentioned that batooro are sensitive and touchy as well!!
0 #8 MC 2011-04-18 15:52
Pablo, okigambire nyowe, okizikire.
0 #9 Bannie 2011-04-18 16:42
BAITU MAZIMA... C'mon now...nothing to hide, it is a relatively true depiction of my peoples and I love them too, if you can't enjoy a good laugh, don't say nothing either!!

I like "Kampala endemere. Ninkola bitaano nindya lusanju" Apuuli, U hit the nail on the head don't worry about folk who like to put on appearances!!!b wahahahaha
0 #10 Aggrey 2011-04-18 18:15
Total rubblish and a waste of our time and money. Surely they are better things to write about.
0 #11 CK 2011-04-18 19:53
Even as a Muganda I am offended at this insulting condescension veiled as pathetic sattire. When I travel around the country and hear the misconceptions people have about Baganda, based on the few they have interacted with at taxi park etc, I am convinced that the negative stereotypes about the different cultures in our country are wrong and should not be perpetuated.

I have also opened my eyes to the falsehood of the various stereotypes about the people in the areas I've been visiting. Pablo, this is a sorry job and it leads a HELL of a lot to be desired...
0 #12 Omubiito 2011-04-19 03:32
With all due respect to you Pablo, I think this time you wrote faster than your brain could think.You need to engage your brain first before you engage the overdrive gear to insult your fans. Your piece simply sucks!
0 #13 muge 2011-04-19 06:45
At least no Mutoro has threatened to eat Pablo like Sumbusa!!!!!
0 #14 John M Amooti 2011-04-19 08:42
Let Pablo and ilk thump their chests in sheer self aggrandizement -having insulted one of the biggest and prosperous Ugandan communities -but truth be told: i feel nauseated,vexed and dismayed when i read tribal undertones in an article written by a well schooled and brilliant artist of Pablo's pedigree!

CK is right, i too feel bad every time people make all those insinuations against Baganda -or any other ethnicity in Africa -at a time we are pushing for African Unity!
0 #15 Thiery 2011-04-19 16:09
U miserable people, if u cant see the funny side of this then you need to check yo humour genes. Atleast for me I can see it

This is just for humour aand I wonder why sam of u are taking it personal.

Probably the current stress is taking toll on u.
0 #16 John M Amooti 2011-04-20 06:15
Going by the pigin English used, Thiery must be one of these young wannabes who walk on Kampala streets, donning oversize jeans and heavy jackets-in scorching afternoon sunshine, assuming (in thier wildest dreams) to be staying in the ghetos of LA!

They pretend not to have any attachments to any rural setting or cultural heritage. I just have one word for Thiery and ilk: We called Africans because we belong to some African tribe -some how, no matter how others demean it -and you can buy a Boeing or plot on the moon-but you can never buy a tribe.

So, let the pretenders like Thiery hold their peace: we shall defend our African tribes to the last man standing! I cry for their parents
0 #17 saaddy 2011-04-20 08:49
i think da comments are over da age,whats funny 2 one may not be funny 2 another bt that doesnt mean criticising.if u dont appreciate a piece of one's writing or if u dont find it funny,,,simple. ..DONT LAUGH n move on.
0 #18 symon 2011-04-20 11:06
guys Pablo is simply being humorous nothing offensive.Look at Segujja mimicking M7.Is there anything personal there or even Mahogany copying some ways of speaking and gestures and moreover he is a muganda.
babi musekeko.Go and watch Tom AND Jerry AND PABLO WILL BE NO MORE IN YO MIND
0 #19 Lee 2011-04-20 12:32
Thanks Saddy!

The likes of John Amooti,Aggrey,a nd Freddie seem to have no sense of humour. If you don't find it funny, move on to the next story.Pablo isn't a politician. He's just a comedian who is interested in looking at the lighter side of serious issues. If you want the hard stuff, read Nganda's columns only.
0 #20 Destah 2011-04-20 12:46
Looking at some posters attacking Pablo, I can tell they have never gone to a comedy show let alone see it on TV. these guys can talk about their mothers....Pabl o is just being Pablo and no one does it better. And there is truth about some character traits he mentions. Its not an attack on the Batooro. Its all fun, I enjoyed it.
0 #21 Bake Robert Tumuhause 2011-04-20 18:41
Sincerely, I am so surprised that we still have people in Uganda that can criticize a masterpiece like this one!

There's nothing personal about Batooro; in any case everything said is true. Pablo writes even about the fine side of other tribes as well. Whenever he writes about us Bakiga I always die of laughter.

If you can't find this article funny and interesting, perhaps you need psychiatric help.

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